Married for all the WRONG reasons

I have not posted in such a long time , but so much has happened to me. I fell in love with my so called best friend and that turned out horrific. Now i feel so heart broken. I hate men I dont trust them. I have no idea what life has in for me. Sex  whatever.. Money whater. I am in disbelief that this spacific person does not give a damn about me. I dont want him in my life at all now i just feel empty for him. he seems to push everyone away, he never fights for people whom love them. This is why he has no one now i realize it... I honestly feel like being alone for now. i need to find myself whom i thought i was supposed to be in life, whatever if this sounds profound i doubt it because this fraz is ment for people whom feel that their life there are no other doors open, which is how i feel, but in reality i know i have plenty going, buut why do i feel this way. legaly I am married but what the hell there is no ring, no happily ever after no nothing just money. but life is made by money or what???? i wish God to show me the way even though i completly have not had him in my life. so shitty right now huh... Why cant men see what they have right in front of them. I know I am worth it but i feel as if i am not worth it... I feel so ugly when people say i am so pretty .... i feel like I am one out of a million that mean nothig in the world....