Married

Wow He brings up our marriage for any little reason. "So did you have to tell them that you are married or check the married box." UGh no.... And I told him joking ,"What about you did you have to check any 'married boxes' lately?" his responce was "actually yes I had to and I forgot to put your DOB and my officer told me hey you dont know your wifes DOB and you have been married for 5 years. " he told him my husband and my husband retorted back, "We were together for 4 years and we just got married a few months ago, and her birthday is april the 4th." lol that was so funny. Rather we stay married or not he is a good friend to me, becasue frakly he is my MIne best friend lol. I really wonder if he does love me or not seriously. NO matter what we have been with each other threw thick and thin and I LOVE HIM ... HE is mine and if we do get an annulment He will always be my first husband my fairy tale husband because thats how fairy tales end best friends getting married.

Married for all the WRONG reasons

I have not posted in such a long time , but so much has happened to me. I fell in love with my so called best friend and that turned out horrific. Now i feel so heart broken. I hate men I dont trust them. I have no idea what life has in for me. Sex  whatever.. Money whater. I am in disbelief that this spacific person does not give a damn about me. I dont want him in my life at all now i just feel empty for him. he seems to push everyone away, he never fights for people whom love them. This is why he has no one now i realize it... I honestly feel like being alone for now. i need to find myself whom i thought i was supposed to be in life, whatever if this sounds profound i doubt it because this fraz is ment for people whom feel that their life there are no other doors open, which is how i feel, but in reality i know i have plenty going, buut why do i feel this way. legaly I am married but what the hell there is no ring, no happily ever after no nothing just money. but life is made by money or what???? i wish God to show me the way even though i completly have not had him in my life. so shitty right now huh... Why cant men see what they have right in front of them. I know I am worth it but i feel as if i am not worth it... I feel so ugly when people say i am so pretty .... i feel like I am one out of a million that mean nothig in the world....

Taking it day by day with love and life....

So I am taking one day at a time. Things have changed yes. THis is a new year yes, i finally recieved my new years kiss with champain under fireworkds on my balcony(what a night). Yes I am still inlove with him and I have no hopes for tomorrow nor the next day all i know is that I want him there. If he is not ready i have no idea,but he knows i will not wait forever i have made that very clear for him that is for sure. I started working at the local childrens shleter i fell inlove with a child that sees me as their mother and calls for me she crys for me and everyone in the shelter is aware that she thinks of me as her mother. You know when you have a child and they behave a certain way with you and then someone else takes care of your child and they behave a different way ,but as soon as you go and pick them up and they see that you are near they become spoiled, well that is exactly how Jasimine  is behaving with me. She crys for me and it hurts me not to be with her there is only 2 big things from stopping me from adopting her, i am unable to adopt her due to the fact that i work there, and i need a better income. I do pray to God that I may be her Adopted mother in the future. I love that little girl with all heart. Mike yes im here and we are bestfriends, i love you but there will never be a forever without a ring ... as far as things go i do wish you all the happiness in the world ...I know you are talking to other women. But , there is nothing I can do, I do not own your heart, like i said I am taking it day by day... WITH , LOVE, LIFE and hope of any sort of future with anyone... till then i am off to my bed GOODNitgh ALL.... and thank you for listening i mean reading me have a wonder blessed time...