The Marine

I went to go see my friend that I fell for twice... The second time I got his itouch ipod... I got to see his e-mails and facebook... I had to see to move on... I have no idea how it came to this point? I know he is not for me he is gheto but I feel comfortable with him ... I don't care that he deployed well I do, but what I mean by that is I have to use this time to move on. Even if I have no one I have to mend my heart. I will be praying to God that I will not have these feeling for him.

birthday heart

Well I got older today... The day has come and gone... What can I say I cried , I laughed, I argued ... One thing that I had noticed though was the heart break. Every year brings another love, every year brings another heart break. Every year brings sorrow.. The lover that has come and go in my life are from another life time. matt, mike,rene and getting over the closer one, that I have to no matter what . I have to to see  him happy and help him and keep him in my life... If I could ever just get one drop of happiness in my life again I would be so happy.. Like I said birthdays come and go , They are just another day. Nothing special, nothing great... Just once just once....

I feel ok, I will be fine. He told me that he met this girl awhile back and they have been talking a bit on facebook and for hours on the phone. Last night he told me that they are going out tomorrow night which is tonight... The day before my birthday well that is ok... I will be fine... Reality just struck me...

My last Goodbye

Well I saw him again... But this time he proved to be a good friend... one that got mad, and choose not to get mad due to the fact that his time was limited because he was about to deploy. Even if I did make him fee bad and mad he cracked jokes left and right... I almost left Houston without a proper goodbye. He told me I was too late but I refused I knew I had to give him a proper goodbye. I did whatever I had to to get what I wanted. I know he cares about me... if he didn't he would not have done what he did. Yea so what he does not care about me in a couple but as a bestfriend yes he does. In the begining when we started the whole benifits we both knew what we were getting ourselfs into. I said this, "I rather have sex with you than with a stranger, I know you and I am comfortable with you ." He said " I feel the same way" ... we both agreed , that we were just friends... How we end up getting jelouse is another things on its own. I left Houston different. I understand him, more. He is one of those guys that does things to see you mad as a joke and wants to get away with things... I left with two amazing hugs that will have to last me 9 months , and I also left him with a kiss on his cheek , because we are what we are bestfriends. He reminded me something that he once told me almost 2 years ago that I had seemed to forget. "do you remember what I told you why I wanted to be friends with you", me "no I dont remember"... Him, "It was because of Iliana, I was tiered of everyone telling me , judging me on my looks and mistakes I have made, I was tiered of being the bad boy, the bad one. I wanted to prove to myself that I can be a good boy and help be a friend. I saw that you looked so sad when I first saw you and I knew exactly how you felt. I wanted to make you laugh any emotion but the one you had in your eyes, sad dissapointment, and lonely."
This is what I had said to him, " you are a good one, its just... well, I am sorry that is what you told me and I take you seriously".

As friendships grow stronger we as friends tend to learn more about each other. We learn how we are and why we do the things that we are. Michael, has been hurt more than others, but you know everyone crosses paths with someone that can help them.
I guess I was that someone for him and he was that someone for me when I needed someone.

He sought me when I was sad depressed, he knew what I was going through, he wanted to change that... and he also wanted to start new fresh with me... which is why I love him so much... he does not give up...

Yesterday he smied with a relif . I have not seen him smile like that in awhile. It was worth the long drive the argument, everything ... to hug him twice see him smile and ask me "so are you ok now? is that what you wanted," me "yes I am , but wait can i have another hug please" he hugged me agian tigher than ever before. I said "mike mike wait (i curled my finger towards me leading him back to me, to come back for a minute) can I tell you something and you promise you wont get mad at me?" he then responded "yea",  i replied "can i give you a kiss on your ckeek". he smiled and turned his check... i kiss him a friendly i love you kiss a simple plain uncomplicated ill miss you kiss... that is...

I love him so much more than I loved the others... I think its because this is based on pure friendship not dating...

I don't think he will love me that way... But that is ok... If that person is ment for you they will come to you eventually... right... even so all i want is for him to be safe and happy no matter what...

To you michael anthony ramirez

My bestest guy friend ever

You my only marine in my life

will be in my prayers till you return to you family

Till i am able to hug you once more darling ....

I want you to feel what I feel one day wather it may be with me or with someone else i just want  you to feel what i feel....

Sex, Money, Jelouse,Gossip can play wonders on your mind example: He paid for everything just to see me. He did not have to he was and is not my boyfriend to do so. SEX, we had only like 3 times with is a world record because we used to have it all the time. Jelouse, is never good.... Gossip, you know what I should not have done that, I should have told him what I felt right then and there, that he made me mad so then we could have talked it out...instead of getting mad and argueing the last 4 hours we had together...

Even though people only know one side of him i see the other side of him... the good...

I do LOVE HIM, but i have to find a way to get over him like that hopefully when he deploys it will go away...